Art

Honestly, art hasn't been going well lately. I haven't been getting into the way I sometimes do.

There are a couple parts to this. The first part is painting. Spring of last year I fell in love with painting, oil paints specifically. This fall I thought painting was what I wanted to pursue, so I jumped right into it, and hit a big hard wall. Painting just isn't doing it for me this time around. There are a few part to this as well. This semester we've been mostly focused on exploring and imitating the style of another artist. While this has been valuable in many ways, it has separated me from my art in other ways, taken the integrity out it maybe, certainly taken a lot of my passion out of it. Or maybe just made it more difficult to access. Another part of it my body, which really at the moment, is gearing up to get pregnant. In so may ways. So my concentration is shot for art, and focused on other things. The other reason relates (I think) directly to the pregnancy issue. I think, in preparation, my body is rejecting poisons. For example, I loved coffee my whole life, even when I was little (although that migh have just been because of my mother's reaction) then about a month ago, I stopped liking it. I quit drinking it, didn't miss it, still don't miss it, and didn't experience any withdrawals. Come to learn a few days ago that caffeine damages fertility in women and 4 months is the time your body wants to clear it out before a pregnancy. Perfect timing for my body, with no help from my mind, to reject caffeine, perfect almost to the week. My point is this- there are few things in my life more toxic than painting. Going into the painting room creeps me out now, and I'm thinking it's more of the same.

I have to take my hubby lunch and go to school, but I'll finish the rest of this later.